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Anger: The Toxic EmotionBy Keith Levick, Ph. D. At the mall last week, I witnessed what is a far too common occurrence: a customer screaming at a worker. The rage in her voice was frightening. Reflecting over this incident while driving home, I noticed two drivers engaged in what appeared to be a "vehicle battle" - yelling at each other and riding each other's bumpers. By the time I pulled into my garage, I realized how angry society has become.
All of us experience the normal emotion called anger. Sometimes it arises from nowhere and other times it brews inside, becoming a "pressure cooker." Some vent, others resort to physical attacks, and still others suppress their anger.
Anger has three components: bodily reaction, thought, and behavior.
The body responds to anger by preparing itself for a fight - the heart pumps faster, blood pressure rises, and hormones are released throughout the body. This physiological response is a normal reaction to any stressor and helps us when in danger. Unfortunately, there is the downside, which I'll return to shortly.
Becoming angry just doesn't "happen." Its roots are found in our thought process. How we appraise (think) an event determines how we feel and behave. If you think a person cheated you out of money, the most obvious reaction is to become angry. If you think a person cheated you out of money, the most obvious reaction is to become angry.
Anger is expressed behaviorally. This varies from person to person. Acts of violence through acts of suppression are behavioral declarations of anger. How anger is expressed, therefore, determines its effect on all parties involved.
Although anger is a normal emotion, it's very misunderstood. We are taught that anger is an inappropriate emotion. Children often hear, "Don't you talk THAT way to me!" The message is that children are not expected - nor do they have the right - to become angry. Other mixed messages derive from the professional community - vent your anger; venting leads to violence; suppressed anger leads to heart disease, etc. We are unsure what to do with our anger.
Part of the confusion lies in semantics. An abundance of scientific research exists on the effects of anger. Recently, "hostility" (the overt expression of anger) has emerged as a major health "culprit." For me, "anger" and "hostility" express the same concept (hostility can also be a thought or an emotion). With that being said, the negative consequences of chronic anger are:- Anger is related to heart disease because it raises blood pressure and places undo stress upon the heart.
- Research shows a relationship between anger and cancer.
- Anger is associated with increased levels of violence (spousal, children, workplace, etc.).
- Anger can undermine relationships.
How do we express anger in a healthy manner? Any display of violent behavior (physically and verbally) is totally unacceptable. Communicating with civility and respect is the ideal - and is easier said than done when we're angry. Anger distorts perceptions. The world is seen through red-hot sunglasses. It becomes difficult for an angry person to see things rationally. We often regret what we said and/or how we behaved in the "heat of the moment" because our brains are unable to function logically.
Suppression is another inappropriate way to deal with anger. Burying anger can lead to self-loathing, anxiety, and physical and emotional symptoms.
Trying to determine the healthiest way to deal with anger can be confusing. If suppression and physical outbursts represent opposite ends of a continuum, the ideal place is in the middle. I firmly believe that verbal communicating works best. This doesn't mean chronic fits of rage. Rather, it means explaining why you feel angry and how it can be overcome. Keep in mind that words can be as harmful as physical expression. Instead of suppressing anger, allow yourself the freedom to express what you feel. Anger is a by-product of life. Expressing it respectfully becomes a civilized choice.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Keith Levick, Ph.D., is a health psychologist who has been in practice for 20 years and is an Adjunct Professor at Central Michigan University. He is the founder and director of the Center for Childhood Weight Management, a unique treatment program designed for overweight children, located in Farmington Hills, MI, and in YMCA'S throughout Michigan. Dr. Levick is also the President of Goren and Associates, a training and development company. Some of their clients include GM, DaimlerChrysler, Detroit Diesel, AT&T and other Fortune 500 companies. Dr. Levick serves on the Executive Board for the American Heart Association and is well published in the area of health and wellness.
Dr. Levick is author of a new book entitled, Why Is My Child So Overweight? A Parent's Guide to a Fit & Healthy Child, designed to help the entire family become more aware of eating behaviors and help create lifestyle changes. This book is available through SelfHelpBooks.com. 
Anger: The Tragic EmotionBy J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D. I see quite a few angry people in my practice. Unchecked anger is a tragic, defensive emotion. Its a sign that something is seriously wrong in our relationships with people we love. It often occurs when we feel threatened, hurt or ignored.
Anger can also be a defense against depression. When feeling hurt or unloved, we can avoid or delay depression by becoming angry instead.
The pain and fear that underlies anger is usually not expressed as such. Rather than simply saying we're hurt or frightened or feeling unappreciated, we strike back. It is as if we assume the best defense against emotional pain is a good offense.
It would take courage to express our anger as the real fear or hurt it is. To say openly and directly that what a loved one has done hurts us or causes us to question whether he or she cares would be to run the become locked into a cycle of hurt and anger.. To be hurt is to hurt back which only pains the other person who then strikes back at us. We both then become so understandably defensive that no possibility for trust or genuine communication becomes available to us to resolve out conflict and reduce our mutual hurt.
We also become locked into a cycle of mutual blaming. If asked
be changed, each. would launch into an angry tirade about the injustices committed by the other and the need for him or her to change first risk of further hurt or even rejection in return, I don't care if I hurt you because I don't love you anymore. But to attack in the other person will say of hurt is to invite a counterattack and so who started it, each would blame the other.
But, of course, change becomes impossible in a situation in which two hurt, defensive people are pointing angry fingers at each other and shouting, Its all your fault. You must change.
Its a tragic interaction to witness but not uncommon. History and current events are replete with examples of this interaction between nations or peoples when the harm inflicted by the one results in retaliation by the other. Some marital relationships are doomed to end in divorce unless the hurt-anger-blaming-defensiveness cycle can be interrupted.
I see it in parent-child relationships in which, for example, father yells too much at his teenage daughter because he really cares about her but is frightened she's headed for serious trouble. Understandably, she interprets his yelling as not caring which only hurts and angers her.
I especially see it in custody disputes between two parents who once each other but whose anger and mistrust is now so unrelenting that the mental health of their children caught between two warring parents is being eroded. These parents are tragic evidence that love and hate are closely related, the flip side of the same coin of human interaction.
There's a simple answer to this cycle of hurt, anger, blaming and defensiveness.- Its called love, and its been promoted with mixed results since people first began talking about religion and philosophy.
Love is an ideal that is difficult to achieve. It calls for a putting aside of self to understand and respect the position of another person. Treat him or her as you would have him or her treat you.
Hatred begets hatred, violence begets violence, mistrust begets mistrust, but only love can overcome anger.
About the Author: J. Bailey Molineux, a psychologist with Adult and Child Counseling, has incorporated many of his articles in a book, Loving Isn't Easy, Isbn 1587410419, sold through bookstores everywhere or available directly from Selfhelpbooks.com. Copyright 2002, J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article may be reprinted but must include authors copyright and website hyperlinks.
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Control that TemperBy J. Bailey Molineux When Mary's (a fictitious character) husband forgot their anniversary, she was furious. She really launched into him, called him most names in the book, and wound up sleeping alone in tears. Six months later, since this was her usual way of reacting when angry at her husband, Mary was divorced.
Anger is usually the result of frustration. When we fail to reach a goal or get what we want,
when we are blocked in our attempts to fulfill our needs, we often - but not always-react with anger.
That frustration is often the result of our own thoughts or assumptions, however. When we are angry at another person it is because we assume that he (or she) has wronged us. He has not acted in a way we believe he should have acted. According to our standards, he has either done something he ought not to have done or failed to do something he should have done.'. And we persuade ourselves that it is terrible, awful, and unforgivable that the person acted the way he did.
In many situations, anger is not a basic emotion but is a cover-up instead for an underlying emotion. When hurt or frightened, we sometimes react with anger rather than these primary
emotions. Mary was deeply hurt by her husband's failure to remember their anniversary, and perhaps frightened by the possibility that this was a sign he had ceased to love her. But it was easier, in the short run, for her to be angry then to admit these doubts to herself or to him.
There are two extreme, harmful, and ineffective ways to handle anger. The first is never or rarely to express angry feelings for fear of those feelings or for fear of hurting someone. People who suppress their anger in this manner may be subject to depression and psychosomatic symptoms such as backache, headache, and ulcers.
The second way is to quickly and perhaps violently act out angry feelings without restraints or inhibitions. People who handle anger in this manner are often in may
fights, perhaps drink too much, drive recklessly, and have unhappy spouses. If violent or criminal enough, many of them can be found in prison.
Now obviously, there is a middle way to handle anger between these two extremes, a way of restraint and moderation in which angry feelings are expressed, either directly or indirectly, in a safe, acceptable manner. Anger is acknowledged and accepted, and not avoided or acted out uncontrollably.
If temper control is a problem with you, there are several things you can do about it.
First, if you realize the potentially harmful effects of unchecked anger, you will be better motivated to control, it. If not expressed properly or constructively, anger can hurt other people. It is probably the major cause of
marital pain and divorce. And what is more important to you - your marriage or your anger?
Also, realize that allowing yourself to express your anger freely may temporarily reduce those feelings, but will probably predispose you to temper tantrums whenever you become upset. In other words, uncontrolled temper can become a habit.
Second, the old advice about counting to ten or going for a walk or doing whatever you can to distract yourself is still sound counsel. But if this is not possible, if you feel you have to let your anger fly, then do so in a safe, indirect manner. Beat a rug, go jogging, go down into the basement alone and shout at a wall. This method of controlling anger has its drawbacks, however, as when a person punches a wall and either puts a hole in it or breaks a knuckle. Better that your anger should be controlled.
Third, reward yourself for controlling your temper in anger-producing situations, and punish yourself when you fail to control your temper. I have an agreement to pay my wife $25 each time I lose my temper and break something in anger. Since I am such a tightwad, this usually works.
Finally, and perhaps most important of all, try to reduce your anger by working on the one person who is solely responsible for it - yourself. No one forces you to be angry or makes you angry. You do it yourself by what you assume or tell yourself that you have been wronged by the other person, that he should not have acted the way he did, and that his behavior is unjustifiable and unforgivable.
Now granted that some anger is justifiable and should be expressed, as when someone obviously and deliberately violates our rights. But in Mary's case, she could have reacted to her husband's faulty memory with understanding, forgiveness, or a frank expression of her hurt and fear rather than with anger. Unfortunately, her choice of the latter reaction eventually cost her marriage.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D. is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and author of the book Loving Isn't Easy
Copyright 2003 J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article maybe reprinted but must include author's copyright and website hyperlinks to SelfHelpBooks.com.
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