By J. Bailey Molineux

Who are the happiest people? What makes them happy? What can they teach us about finding happiness for ourselves?

Since happiness is something we all want, these are important questions which may be illuminated by scientific research.

In his book, The Happy People: What Happiness Is, Who Has It, and 4 (Harcourt Brace Jovanovich), Jonathan Freedman, reports the results of several questionnaire and interview research projects involving 100,000 people" Dr. Freedman found that the majority of his subjects considered themselves to be happy. Sixty to seventy percent described themselves as "very happy" or "moderately happy."

This is not to say, however, that these people were always happy. They experienced moments of restlessness, boredom, loneliness or depression, although most of the time they were pleased with their lives.

This means that happiness is a relatively enduring state but not a steady state. It would be unrealistic to expect to be happy all of the time. Life is full of too many challenges for this to be possible All of us have our moments of unhappiness.

Nine to thirteen percent of Dr. Freedman's respondents described themselves as "moderately unhappy" or "very unhappy," so there appears to be a small percentage of Americans who are consistently unhappy.

What is happiness? What does it mean to be same states when we talk about being happy?

Not quite, according to Dr. Freedman. His subjects divided themselves evenly in their definitions of happiness. About half described happiness as an active state involving fun, pleasure and excitement. The other half described it as a more passive state involving serenity, contentment and peace of mind. happy?

Dr. Freedman concluded that happiness consists of both active and passive components, and that each is the other side of the same coin. A happy person is one who has both moments of exciting fun and moments of quiet contentment. But what makes for happiness? How can we be happy? Is there a formula that will guarantee our happiness?

Unfortunately, no, claims Dr. Freedman. In his study, he found many factors related to happiness but decided there is no single way to achieve it. A few people who had very little of what is considered necessary for happiness - love, marriage, a good job, money, status or health - still described themselves as happy, while a few who had most of these advantages described themselves as unhappy.

All of these factors are important but they do not inevitably produce happiness. There is no universal recipe that will guarantee happiness for all. Happiness is an individual matter. People find it, or fail to find it, in many different ways, with or without certain advantages or blessings.

Yet Dr. Freedman did find several factors associated with happiness which I will discuss in my next article. Perhaps his results can give us some clues as to how we might be happy ourselves.

By J. Bailey Molineux

To be happy, an inspirational poster says, you must forget yourself. But it is advice that seems to contradict common sense and some of the teachings of modern psychology. Self-fulfillment and self-actualization are popular pursuits these days. It makes sense to assume that the more we fulfill our needs and develop our talents, the happier we will be.There is some older wisdom, however, which says the opposite: the way to happiness is not through the self but around it. Despite their irreconcil­able differences, most of the world's major religions agree that self is a barrier to an experience of joy and peace. It is a burden which prevents us from experiencing God directly.

Why should this be? Why should self be a barrier to joy? Self is a barrier because its longings, doubts, fears and worries interfere with our capacity to live in the present. Only in the present can genuine, lasting happiness be found. The past is over and done with; the future can never be completely secure despite our plans and efforts. Moreover, self as the seat of our desires, hopes and ambitions is a potential source of unhappiness. The more we want, the more we make ourselves vulnerable to frustration. By contrast, the less we want, the more content we can be with life and the more we can live the present.

Evidence that self can be a burden can be supplied by the fact that many of us seek to forget ourselves in both healthy and unhealthy ways. We usually find the experience pleasurable or even exhilarating.

Consider the challenge of sports. The thrill of downhill skiing, for example, entails this temporary absence of self-awareness. The skier is completely absorbed ­in what he is doing at the moment and so forgets himself. He has to concentrate on the trail ahead of him because of the potential presence of ice, moguls, rocks and other skiers.

While skiing gracefully - or not so gracefully - down the slope, the skier is one with the snow and mountain. Despite the expense, cold, inconvenience and risk, skiing is exhilarating because he is conscious only of the moment, the trail, the wind and the sky., Gone are worries about Monday's important business meeting orlast Friday's missed opportunity.

I Consider, also, the attraction to drugs and alcohol. Their use would appear to be based upon a desire to reduce or numb the sense of self. When we lose our inhibitions under the influence of alcohol, and act in ways we would not normally behave, we subdue our sense of self and act with less self-consciousness.

The apparent contradiction between the teachings of modern self psychology with its emphasis on self-fulfillment and religion with its emphasis on self denial can be resolved by admitting that self and its needs are important for our happiness and sense of well being We would die if our physical needs were not met and be unhappy if our psychological needs went unfulfilled.

But once our basic physical and emotional needs have been satisfied, we are in a better position to forget ourselves. Once we have found a certain level of contentment, we are ready to fully commit ourselves to larger goals. Need satisfaction can become the springboard to self forgetting.

"The true value of a human being," Albert Einstein once wrote, "is determined primarily by the measure and sense in which he has attained to liberation from the self."

By J. Bailey Molineux

If you were unhappy as a child, the chances are you will be unhappy as an adult.

True or false?

False, according to Jonathan Freedman, author of Happy People: What Happiness Is, Who Has It, And Why (Harcourt Brace Jovanovich). In a study of 100,000 responses to two magazine questionnaires, Dr. Freedman found childhood unhappiness unrelated to adult unhappiness, except in cases of guilt-ridden children. Un­happiness in youth does not inevitably result in adult unhappiness.

This is a surprising research result. It seems to contradict other research which shows adult emotional problems as rooted in earlier problems. But this is not unusual in psychology. Psychological research is sometimes contradictory, confusing or inconclusive. Human beings are too complex, and psych­ology too young a science, for our knowledge of human behavior to be otherwise.

The best we can do in psychology - as in life is to arrive at informed opinions rather than absolute certainty.

Dr. Freedman's results notwithstanding, it is reasonable to assume that childhood experiences do affect adult experiences. Those who are loved, secure and happy in childhood, unless struck by some misfortune, will grow up to be happy adults.

But Dr. Freedman's results leave room for hope. Although the chances of finding happiness are greater for happy children, it does not follow that unhappy children will. automatically grow up to be unhappy adults.

Human beings are too flexible and adaptable for this to happen. People can and do change. They can overcome their earlier problems and go on to lead happy lives.

In fact, if not overwhelming or unmanageable, adversity can be good for people because it makes them stronger, wiser, happier and more admirable. There were some people in Dr. Freedman's study who had everything handed to them in life, yet were still unhappy. They complained about a lack of challenges and wished their lives had been harder. Without problems to overcome, they lacked a sense of meaning and direction, one factor that has been found to be related to happiness.

Dr. Freedman's finding of no relationship between childhood unhappiness and adult unhappiness also leads to an inescapable conclusion: ultimately, we are responsible for our happiness.

The underlying problem with many mental health clients, which can make therapy difficult, is that they blame ether people for their woes, and fail to take responsibility for their problems. Part of the therapeutic process is to get them to do this.

The happiest people are those who are responsible for their own happiness, and do not always depend upon others to make them happy or blame others for making them unhappy. And when confronted by a problem, they do not demand that others change but instead set about to make some changes in themselves in the hope that other people will follow their example.

A woman, for example, may complain about her husband's lack of affection. By demanding he change, she might increase his resistance to do so. However, if she were to lessen her excessive demands for affection, and realize her husband is unaffectionate, not because he doesn't love her but because of his inhibited upbringing, he may be willing to express more positive feelings towards her.

By working to change herself, she may bring about a desired change in him. The Roman philosopher, Epicurus, said it well many years ago: "If any man be unhappy, let him know that it is by reason of himself alone." If we are unhappy, upset or bitter, there is no sense or profit in blaming our past, our parents, our families or our circumstances. The solution to many of our problems can be found within ourselves.

By J. Bailey Molineux

Despite the fact that he is healthy, has a good marriage and makes plenty of money in a good job, John complains he is unhappy. By contrast, Mary is a seventy three year old, unmarried retiree. Although her health is deteriorating and her pension barely covers her bills, she still describes herself as happy.

Why this difference? John has everything which research has shown to be related to happiness - a good marriage, good health and a good job - while Mary has none of these blessings, yet they differ in their levels of expressed happiness.

Simply to have certain advantages will not guarantee our happiness. Something more than these must be accounted for to understand what makes us happy.

To be happy, our physical and psychological needs for self-esteem, friendships and love must be met. Once our basic needs have been met, however, more things or money are not going to make us that much happier. Those who are extremely wealthy are only slightly more happy than those who have enough to get by comfortably.

But meeting our needs may not be enough to make us happy if our expectations are not met also. If we get what we expect to get, or more, we will be content; if our satisfactions are less than our expectations, however, we will be discontent.

John, who has much, may have expected or wanted more and so is unhappy while Mary, who has little, may have more than she ever expected to receive in life.

A sense of humor is helpful in finding happiness. If we cannot laugh at ourselves and our problems, we cannot enjoy ourselves.

We also need variety, challenge and change in our lives if we are to be happy. We tend to become accustomed to a certain manner of living, but then may become bored with it, so we should search for new interests and new tasks to master.

This explains why some people who have everything may be dissatisfied and why others who are successful may be driven to do more. Having adapted to a certain level of success, they may no longer be satisfied with it.

And it also explains why those who believe their lives have meaning and direction describe themselves as happier than those who do not. New goals and new challenges give us a sense of purpose.

This implies that happiness is something we can never find and keep forever, tucked away in a safe place. There are no guarantees we will be always happy since there will always be losses, failures and disappointments in life.

What this means is that perhaps we should make satisfaction our life's goal rather than happiness. I define satisfaction as having more good times than bad, more successes than failures, more pleasure than pain.

What may be more important in life, however, is not happiness but purpose. And perhaps the purpose of life should not be to be happy, but to matter, to strive to make this a better world for everyone.

By rolling up our sleeves and committing ourselves to some worthwhile projects - while not bothering to wonder whether or not we are happy - we may, paradoxically, find the happiness we don't deliberately seek.

L. Richard Lessor put it this way:
Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will allude you. But if you turn you attention to other things, it comes and softly sits on your shoulder.

About the Author: J. Bailey Molineux, a psychologist with Adult and Child Counseling, has incorporated many of his articles in a book, Loving Isn't Easy, Isbn 1587410419, sold through bookstores everywhere or available directly from Selfhelpbooks.com. Copyright 2002, J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article may be reprinted but must include authors copyright and website hyperlinks.