By Allen Johnson, Ph.D.

I WAS EATING HOT AND SPICY Chinese food at the Stardust Hotel in Las Vegas. It tasted like confetti with extra pepper. Of course, you don’t go to Las Vegas to eat; you go to Las Vegas to gamble. Eating is what you do to stay alive at the crap table. I was almost done when I spotted a cigarette girl with high heels and towering legs on the other side of the room. I couldn’t remember ever seeing a cigarette girl before, except in the movies. She actually announced in a husky, saloon voice, “Cigarettes, cigars, Tiparillos.” She also sold yo-yos, one of which lit up like a spiraling neon rotor when she flipped it from her hand to the ground and back again. I was mesmerized. Up and down I watched the dazzling cylinder glide unencumbered from ankle to thigh. Gulp. I was so engrossed by the spectacle that I popped my fortune cookie into my mouth without thinking. I chewed full gallop until I suddenly realized I was eating my fortune. I discreetly worked the dispatch forward, easing the paper out between my front teeth with thumb and forefinger. For a moment I looked like a human ticker-tape machine. The snippet of paper was soggy but decipherable: Your fantasies are imaginative but honorable.

“Whoa!” I said out loud. Had some Chinese guy read my mind? Or, worse, was my wife in the kitchen, stuffing all fortune cookies with the same bulletin? Impossible. Although I did glance over my shoulder just to be on the safe side.

There was wisdom in that cryptic message. My fantasies are often imaginative and, for the most part, honorable-even in Las Vegas. I like my fantasies. They are my friends. Why? Because they help me to get what I want or release what I can’t have. It is true that your fantasies, the images you picture in your head, are a prerequisite to achievement. They are the blueprints of your desires. Nothing is accomplished unless these fantasies are indulged. Sometimes, however, people entertain negative fantasies. For example, they dream about hurting others by getting even. This is garbage thinking. They forget that “what goes around comes around.” In the end, they feel more miserable than ever. The best way to end these negative fantasies is to allow them to flutter through your consciousness unimpeded. You may think of them as a bird flying directly through a house, in one window and out another.

Wrestling with these bleak thoughts is another way of dwelling on them-giving them honor. They do not deserve the attention. My wife once said it as well as any:

“It is the mark of a whole person to know which fantasies to run with.” I once met a young man who agonized about his sexual fantasies. He thought they were vile and depraved. “How can I think such awful thoughts?” he asked. I advised the young man to relax. I suggested he could be more like my friend who enjoys reading Playboy magazine. One day his wife asked him how he could read “such filth.” His answer was simple. “I read Playboy for the same reason that I read National Geographic. It takes me to places I ain’t ever gonna see otherwise.” That little bit of humor was a way of reframing the problem. What I was trying to say was this. “Hey, it’s not that serious. If your fantasies distress you, let them go. Like my friend with the Playboy, look at the pictures and then set it aside. The child inside of us is curious about such things; there is nothing wrong with that. Satisfy your curiosity-even engage in a healthy, guilt-free fantasy-and then move on.”

There may be some men who could look at a Las Vegas cigarette girl with incredible legs and lose a good night’s sleep (I felt a whiff of insomnia myself), but one could do worse. The fantasy could come true, and how much fun would it be, tied spread-eagle to the bedposts with yo-yos?

By J. Bailey Molineux

Life can be tough but it can be even tougher when you don't get a good night's sleep.

About 35 percent of the population have chronic sleep problems which have three general causes: poor sleep habits, psychological disorders such as depression or anxiety or physical problems such as breathing difficulties or chronic pain.

Sleep is something you cannot make happen. In fact, the more you try to force it, the more it will elude you. Rather sleep is something that occurs naturally, so what follows is a list of suggestions about your sleep habits that will, hopefully, allow sleep to occur.

For a week or more, chart your sleeping. Become a scientist to yourself to see if there is a pattern to your sleep disturbance or to discover what may be causing it.

Make your sleeping situation as comfortable and as conducive to sleep as possible. Make sure you have a comfortable mattress and a darkened, noise-free bedroom.

Regular exercise makes the body more tired so try to exercise everyday. Do not exercise vigorously in the evening, however, as this will only arouse you more.

Don't use alcohol to help you sleep. It may help you to fall asleep initially but will interfere with an overall good night's sleep.

Don't snack heavily before bedtime as this will keep your stomach digesting food and may keep you awake. Also, restrict your caffeine intake to the morning only.

Whether it's mental or physical, don't do any kind of work right up until bedtime. You will be trying to sleep while still aroused. An hour or two before going to bed should be a time of pure relaxation.

There are only two activities that should take place in your bed, with sleep being the most frequent. In other words, don't read or watch T.V. in bed. You want it to be conditioned as a sleep stimulus for you, so when you're in bed your body gets the message, "It's time to go to sleep."

Establish regular times for going to bed and waking, and stick to them. Again, you want to condition your body to fall asleep and wake up at certain set times.

Relaxation can be helpful in inducing sleep. You can either teach yourself progressive relaxation or use commercially produced relaxation tapes that contain suggestions for inducing sleep.

Before bedtime or during the night if you can't sleep, take a hot bath. It will not only relax you more but lower the temperature of your body, after you're out of the tub, which will help induce sleep.

Try not to panic if you're not getting a good night's sleep as your anxiety will only interfere with the sleep process.

Get up if you can't sleep rather then spend hours tossing and turning in your bed. Just as you want your bed to become a conditioned stimulus for sleep by sleeping and making love only in it, you don't want your bed to become a conditioned stimulus for not being able to sleep.

Don't look at your clock to see the time. If you know what time it is, you may upset yourself with thoughts about how little you are sleeping, or how it's only a few more hours until you have to get up, all of which will interfere with your ability to sleep.

If you keep worrying about a problem, get up and write down your thoughts about it. In effect, worry about it intensely while up, write down your worries and then try to let them go until morning.

If you follow these suggestions for several weeks and still don't sleep well, you may have psychological or physical problems that cause your sleep problems. Fifty percent of all sleep disorders are due to clinical depression or anxiety. If you think you're depressed or excessively tense, perhaps you should consider professional treatment for these disorders to help you sleep better. If you suspect physical problems, especially breathing difficulties, St. Peter's Hospital has just opened a sleep disorder clinic to diagnose these causes.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D. is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and author of the book Loving Isn't Easy
Copyright 2002 J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article maybe reprinted but must include author's copyright and website hyperlinks to SelfHelpBooks.com.

Irrational Ideas That Create Emotional Turmoil

By J. Bailey Molineux

I have to be the best in everything I do.

I am the way I am because of my past, and there is nothing I can do to change or bring happiness into my life.

These are all examples of what Albert Ellis, the founder of rational-emotive psychotherapy, considers to be irrational ideas that create emotional turmoil. It is his belief that our thoughts, ideas, and assumptions about the world determine our emotional reactions. We become emotionally upset because of our irrational thinking and because of the silly ideas that we constantly, and perhaps unconsciously, tell ourselves.

Dr. Ellis has developed a new type of therapy which instructs clients to challenge and change their irrational ideas, and so reduce their emotional turmoil.

In a book co-authored by Dr. Robert Harper, A Guide to Rational Living (Harper and Row, 1961), Dr. Ellis outlines some of these irrational ideas.

Irrational idea #1. "It is a dire necessity for an adult to be loved or approved by almost everyone for virtually everything he does." It would be nice to be loved and approved by everyone we meet, and we may want such approval, but it is impossible to obtain and we can survive without it. Anyone desperately seeking approval from everyone for everything he does is headed for emotional trouble.

Irrational idea #2. "One should be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving in all possible respects." This irrational idea reflects a fear of weakness, failure, or error. Man is not capable of achieving absolute perfection, and to demand such perfection of ourselves and others is unreasonable. This is not to say that we should not strive to do our best; rather it is just that we should be realistic in our expec­tations for ourselves and others.

Irrational idea #3: "It is terrible, horrible, and catastrophic when things are not going the way one would like them to go." Such a state of affairs is unpleasant and frustrating but not an intolerable burden unless we persuade ourselves that it is. There is no law or guarantee that the world was made to conform to our wishes and needs, and it is a waste of time and energy to continually complain and rant when things do not turn out as we would like. Such time and energy can be used more con­structively.

Irrational idea #4: "Human unhappiness is externally caused and people have little or no ability to control their sorrows or rid themselves of their negative feelings." The mentally healthy person realizes that genuine happiness and peace of mind are inner affairs, and not the result of material wealth or other external factors. Moreover, he takes full responsibility for his emotional well being, and does not blame external events or others for his problems.

Irrational idea #5: "If something is or may be dangerous or fearsome, one should be terribly occupied with and upset about it." This is simply a restatement of what everyone knows to be true - worrying rarely does any good and may in fact cause more harm. How many of us have needlessly worked ourselves into a fit of worry, and later discovered that our fears were exaggerated or groundless? And how often has the anti­cipation of an unpleasant, fearful event been far worse than the event itself?

Irrational idea #6: "It is easier to avoid facing many life difficulties and self-responsibilities than to undertake more rewarding forms of self--discipline." There are many mental health workers, myself included, who believe that the mentally healthy person is a disciplined person. We like and respect ourselves when we dis­cipline ourselves, when we do the things we ought to do, and avoid the things we ought to avoid. Row much better we feel when we accomplish a difficult task, when we lose weight and keep it off, for example, or give up smoking, or keep up with our work or studies!

Irrational idea #7: "The past is all important and because something once strongly affected one's life, it should indefinitely do so." Most people can change and overcome the influence of the past. The decision to do so, however, takes cour­age and determination, so perhaps it seems easier to give up and blame one's past for one's present difficulties. The mentally healthy person refuses to do so, however. He takes full responsibility for his present condition, and realizes that only he can decide whether to change or remain as he is.

Irrational idea #8: "People and things should be different from the way they are." This irrational belief reflects a lack of acceptance of reality and is often the basis of anger. We become angered at times when people do not behave as we feel they ought to behave. In reality, just because we want someone to behave in a certain way is no reason why he should, and not to convince ourselves of this is perhaps to invite unnecessary anger.

Irrational idea #9: "It is catastrophic if perfect solutions to the grim realities of life are not immediately found." Some problems can be solved immediately, but many either take time, or are impossible, to solve. Some solutions are better or more effective than others, but rarely is there the "right" or "perfect" solution, .he "right" or "perfect" thing to do or say. And few major decisions in life - whether to go to college or take a job, whether to marry and whom, whether to move for a better job, for example - can be made without some doubt and mixed feelings. Absolute certainty is a state of mind few of us can attain in this life.

Irrational idea #10: "Maximum human happiness can be achieved by inertia and inaction, or by passively and uncommitted enjoying oneself." This is an irrational idea to Ellis and Harper because they believe that we are happiest and most content when we are committed, absorbed, and busy - in short, when we find a sense of purpose and worth in work and activity, whether gainful or not. As they so nicely put it, "Living means doing, acting, loving, creating, thinking.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D. is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and author of the book Loving Isn't Easy
Copyright 2003 J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article maybe reprinted but must include author's copyright and website hyperlinks to SelfHelpBooks.com.

Meeting Our Emotional Needs

By J. Bailey Molineux

The intelligent young man sitting before me was depressed and worried about his excessive drinking. He was in college but was unhappy and not studying or attending classes as regularly as he should. His drinking was an unsuccessful way to attempt to avoid or forget his problems.

What had happened? Why was this young man - a hypothetical but not uncommon case - who had ability and his life before him seemingly throwing his future away? The answer is simple. He was not fulfilling his needs; he was not doing what he really wanted to do and so was unhappy. He was in college because he thought it was expected of him, when in fact he was more interested in a career that did not require a college education.

This is a primary problem for most mental health clients: their basic emotional needs are not being met either by themselves or by others. We are mentally healthy when our emotional needs are fulfilled and troubled when they are not. And we regain health when we identify our needs and set about to meet them., In many instances, this is what psychotherapy is all about - it is a process of self-exploration in which the client is encouraged to talk fully and freely about himself so he can discover what he really wants from life and how he can get it.

And what are our basic emotional needs? I believe that people are more alike than different. Most of us need to find interest and stimulation in life, to feel that we belong and are accepted, to love and be loved, to feel that what we do is worthwhile, and to respect ourselves and earn the respect of others. If we are to find peace and contentment in this life, we must make every effort to recognize our deepest needs and see that they are met. The mentally healthy person is a selfish person who is aware of his needs and seeks to satisfy them. I do not believe that there is any such thing as selflessness since we all act in terms of our own self interest. Even when we devote ourselves to helping others, we do so because if makes us feel good and worthwhile, or enables us to avoid guilt.

And yet here is a paradox: the mentally healthy person is also one who loses himself in his work, in a commitment to others, or in a cause greater than himself. How is this possible if he is also a selfish person concerned with his own needs? How can this paradox be resolved?

By the simple realization that once the basic needs of the mentally healthy person are met, once he finds satisfaction within himself and his life, he is then able to pay less attention to himself and his needs and so is able to lose himself in devotion to work, duty, or others. Unsatisfied needs clamor for fulfillment; needs that are satisfied can be forgotten and so release greater energy for greater causes.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D. is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and author of the book Loving Isn't Easy
Copyright 2003 J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article maybe reprinted but must include author's copyright and website hyperlinks to SelfHelpBooks.com.

Take Care of Yourself

By Allen Johnson, Ph.D.

SOMETIMES I LIKE TO JOG in the morning while everyone else is still asleep; I feel like the last person on earth-kind of a Robinson Crusoe in sneakers. That feeling is especially keen in the winter, running before dawn with the moon for company.

One morning last December, though, I was not alone. I was jogging silently down a country road when I spotted a huge skunk at the edge of the pavement a few feet away. It was the size of a mountain lion; it probably ate mountain lions.

“Ah, bon,” said the skunk, “C’est un joggeur. I love beaucoup zee joggeur.”

Now at that instant my survival instincts slammed into place. My eyes dilated to maximum f-stop. (It was pitch black, but at that moment I could have read microfiche.) My respiration doubled; my pulse rate went into ragtime, and every stray hormone in my body dumped into my blood stream. Inside my head there was a little man with a gargantuan voice screaming, “RUN YOU FOOL!” (It is the same response when, in the course of your day, you do business with a skunk of any aroma.)

The autonomic system of Fifi LaFleur was also at full tilt. Her heart was racing; her glands were primed. And she had a little Frenchman inside her head saying, “Fight or flight? You must be jok-ING; I vill lift up my tail and decharg-AY a boom parfum-AY.”

I had no intention of sacrificing my body in a battle for turf with a mad resistance fighter. So I ran a loop the size of Rhode Island around the Mademoiselle and continued my morning jog. By the time I had finished my run, my body functions were back to normal. In fact, they were better than normal; my body had faced the “enemy” and had emerged stronger.

That is one of the benefits of exercise: it increases your metabolism, which, in turn, burns up all those excess stress hormones swimming around in your blood stream. Whether the source of stress is a stray skunk or an unbalanced checkbook, the result of exercise is the same: reduced tension, greater resilience.

That’s all I’m going to say about the benefits of exercise; you’ve heard it all before. What I am going to tell you is why you don’t exercise-and we’re talking here about the mass majority of the American population.

We don’t exercise because to do so means losing control. Television catatonia is the last human freedom. They can tow away our cars; they can evict us from our homes, but they can’t take away our sloth. We refuse to exercise for the same reason that infants repel toilet training. (“It’s my potty, and I’ll try when I wanna.”) It is our way of rebelling: “I don’t care what you say; you can’t make me do that. You can quote all the experts in the world. You can Scotch tape magazine articles about running euphoria on the refrigerator door. You can make cavalier remarks about the shape of my tokus. But I will not be healthy, and shame on you for trying to force me.”

Some people get so good at resisting that they overcompensate. They go on eating binges; they bloat out; they belly up to whatever is deep-fried, chocolate, or unauthorized.

Others lose entire weekends in a mental stupor. You can recognize them on Monday morning. They have a glazed, turtle-eyed expression like Bela Lugosi with a cold. “Didn’t do much this weekend; I was kinda tired.”

What I am saying is this: Understand your motivation for avoiding exercise-or any other healthy behavior for that matter. Have you made an independent and conscientious choice, or are you merely punishing others for pressuring you? If you really don’t want to exercise or eat right or periodically change your underwear, and that is truly your decision-fine. You have that right. But if, on the other hand, you are simply reacting to the suggestions of others, think it over; in your fervor to gain control, you may be actually giving it away. Don’t be duped; make your own decisions, selecting the best of all the options available-including what might, coincidently, be a preference held by another. And after all, would it really be so bad if your decision happened to please someone along the way? Just think of it as a fringe benefit.

And besides, just think of how easily your body will be able to handle the next skunk-two- or four-legged-that crosses your path.

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About the Author:

Allen Johnson, Ph.D. is the author of THIS SIDE OF CRAZY: 54 LESSONS ON LIVING FROM SOMEONE WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER BUT KEEPS MESSING UP ANYWAY available through Selfhelpbooks.com.

© Copyright 2003 by Allen Johnson and Selfhelpbooks.com. All rights reserved. This article may be reprinted but must include the author’s copyright and website hyperlinks.

The Healthy Personality

By J. Bailey Molineux

In medicine, health is usually defined as the absence of illness. When we are not sick, we are healthy.

However, in the mental health field, health cannot be defined as the absence of problems and conflicts. Nor can it be equated with happiness and the absence of negative emotions. We all have bouts of depression, anxiety, anger, or guilt. We all are faced with problems and conflicts. No one escapes the shocks and challenges of life.

So that it is not the absence of problems, conflicts, and negative emotions that constitutes mental health but the ability to accept and deal with them.

The mentally healthy person is one who loves and esteems himself (or herself), yet finds meaning and value in work or a commitment beyond himself. Having insured that his needs are fulfilled, he can help others meet their needs. He is able to accept and appropriately express his emotions and to communicate deeply and genuinely with at least one other person. This latter ability to fully reveal oneself to another is both a measure of mental health and a way to achieve greater mental health.

The mentally healthy person is self-disciplined and assumes responsibility for his feelings and behaviors. Given his accurate perception of reality and himself, he does not blame others or the past for his problems and failures. Yet such a person does not become obsessed with his past mistakes and future worries. He is able to be fully absorbed in the present moment, to experience as much in life as possible.

In addition, the mentally healthy person has many varied interests and hobbies that give him pleasure and a chance to escape from work-a-day concerns. He enjoys exercise and sports that keep him active and in shape. He is committed to his continued personal growth in as many areas as possible, a commitment that will service him well in the reduced activity of his retirement.

Finally, the mentally healthy person has developed a set of beliefs-that give him comfort and security. He believes that his life has meaning and that he belongs in the universe. As the Desiderata puts it, "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt that universe is unfolding as it should."

Of course, I'm talking about an ideal person who is rare or non-existent. If he (or she) did exist, he would probably rouse our envy and make us feel inferior by comparison. Saints usually do. But the description of such a hypothetical person gives us something to strive for, realizing with forgive­ness that we may not always reach our ideal.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D. is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and author of the book Loving Isn't Easy
Copyright 2003 J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article maybe reprinted but must include author's copyright and website hyperlinks to SelfHelpBooks.com.

The Zen of Golf

By J. Bailey Molineux

I've had to confess to my wife that I've found a new mistress. She's expensive, consumes too much of my time, takes me from the heights of ecstasy to the depths of despair but makes me forget my other problems while I struggle with my problems with her.

In case you haven't guessed, her name is golf, probably the most popular participatory sport in the United States.

Please don't think this will be an article about golf by an aging, golf-addicted male, however. Nor will it be about the benefits of lifetime sports, although these are certainly important.

Instead, what I want to write about is the enjoyment of losing yourself, of temporarily forgetting your problems and worries, of being entirely centered in the present. Golf is just the medium for this message and one way to achieve these states.

There are many things to enjoy about golf - the exercise, the challenge, the camaraderie, the deep green of the grass, a sunrise early in the morning or a full rainbow after a thunderstorm has rumbled through.

But if you think rationally about golf, nothing could be sillier than grown people hitting and chasing a little white ball down some mowed grass just to drop it into a hole in the ground. How dumb that they get excited should one of their group hit the ball into the cup from twenty feet away! And in the unlikely event the ball falls into the hole from one hundred yards away, you'll see otherwise rational folks go wild with joy.

But this is true of all sports. Why the excitement when someone hits a ball with a bat over a fence and then romps around some bags staked to the ground? Or when a person throws a large ball through a net ten feet in the air from thirty feet away? Or a young man catches an oval shaped ball and runs across a white line without being knocked down? When these things happen, people cheer wildly and the athlete feels great.

For most of us, there is absolutely no utilitarian value in any of these activities. No useful product comes from them. Nothing practical gets accomplished, built or changed for the betterment of humankind.

But that's the point. Sport is pure play, done for it's own sake, engaged in because it is fun.

When you play a sport, you forget yourself for awhile. You are totally centered in the present. Nothing else seems important. When setting up for a golf swing, you try to concentrate all of your attention on that stupid little ball in front of you.

Spiritual masters have been telling us for thousands of years that there is joy in the present and in losing yourself. Buddhists call it Zen.

Psychologists call it flow, a good fit between you and what you are doing. You have a challenge but feel confident you can meet it. There's a smooth, easy dance between you and your world. In golf, it's so nice to look up occasionally and watch that little white ball fly straight and long, and know you are the author of that action.

Whatever you can do to lose yourself - whether in sports, reading a fascinating book, making love, listening to your favorite music, being engrossed in your work or serving others - can bring you some happiness. There's enough worry, pain and drudgery in the world - at times, perhaps too much. We should be able to lay down the burden of self once in awhile and play. And play may be one of the most worshipful things we can do.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D. is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and author of the book Loving Isn't Easy
Copyright 2002 J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article maybe reprinted but must include author's copyright and website hyperlinks to SelfHelpBooks.com.

What You Think Is What You Feel

By J. Bailey Molineux

That test tomorrow makes me real nervous.
He makes me so angry when he ignores me.
She hurt me deeply when she criticized me.

All of these seemingly different statements have one thing in common. In each the person making the statement implies that he has no control over his emotions, that they are caused by another person or event.

For example, in the first statement, the speaker is saying that a test - an inanimate object - controls his feelings and so makes him nervous, a diffi­cult position to maintain from a logical point of view. Similarly, it is difficult to logically maintain that what another person does or says can determine our emotional reactions. How can an inanimate object or another person effect us emotionally unless we allow them to do so?

In other words, in many situations we choose to react emotionally as we do and are not made to do so by external objects, events, or people. For example, if faced with a difficult test tomorrow, one could easily talk himself into a panic by thinking that he absolutely has to pass or do well on the test, and that it would be horrible and catastrophic to flunk or receive a low grade. Or he could take the attitude that it would be nice to pass or receive a high grade but it would not be the end of the world if he did not. The attitude that the individual adopts would determine his reaction to the test, and not the test itself.

Similarly, one could work himself into a fit of hurt or anger by convincing himself that what a person did or said to him was wrong, and that it was terrible or unbearable that he was snubbed or criticized. Or he could adopt the attitude that it was too bad but not the end of the world. Perhaps the snubbing was unintentional, or the criticism given in a helpful spirit.

The mentally healthy individual takes full responsibility for his emotions and behavior and so is able to control his reactions. Without that sense of responsi­bility, control is difficult if not impossible. The statement, "That test tomorrow is making me real nervous", should more accurately be "I am nervous about tomorrow's test", or "I have chosen to react with nervousness to that test".

The former statement gives the individual no sense of control over his nervousness. If it is caused by an external event, he can do little about it. However, if it is caused by his own internal thinking process, as is implied in the latter statements in which the individual acknowledges his responsibility for his nervousness, then he has a chance to control it.

In short, our ideas, assumptions, and beliefs about the world-,what we think - determine many of our emotional reactions - how we feel. And so by controlling and challenging our thoughts, we can better control our emotions. Marcus Aurelius expressed it well almost two thousand years ago: "If thou are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs thee, but thine own judgement about it. And it is in try power to wipe out this judgement now.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D. is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and author of the book Loving Isn't Easy
Copyright 2003 J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article maybe reprinted but must include author's copyright and website hyperlinks to SelfHelpBooks.com.