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Factors Which Make Us StrongBy J. Bailey Molineux What makes one person able to deal with a great deal of stress and another person fall apart under less pressure? Why is it that some people can grow up in seriously "dysfunctional" families and be somewhat okay as adults, while others can come out of an abusive childhood with severe, long-lasting scars?
Rather than focusing only on people's problems and vulnerabilities, clinical psychology should also address those factors which make people stronger, more resilient and more resistant to stress.
An article in the January, 1996 edition of the American Psychologist, entitled Vulnerability and Resilience, does just this. It pinpoints three factors which buffer people against stress.
The first factor is personality traits. Due to biology or temperament, some people are better able to handle stress than others. Some are more extraverted, more agreeable, more organized, less emotionally reactive and more intelligent than others - all of which makes them better able to cope with life's inevitable bumps and valleys.
A second factor which appears to buffer people against stress is attachment history. Early bonding with a consistent caregiver is what gives us a conscience, makes us human and provides us with an internal source of comfort and strength that can last us a lifetime.
My own belief is that the first three years of bonding history, when the sense of self is being formed, sets the foundation for later married life. Those with insecure attachments as infants and toddlers tend to have more marital difficulties than those with more secure attachment histories.
Because few of us can remember events before age three, these distant causes of marital difficulties are largely unconscious, however. Psychotherapy can help people become aware of these influences and thereby improve their marriages.
The third factor, according to this article, which buffers people against stress is high self-esteem. There is plenty of research evidence that good self esteem is imperative for good mental health and stable marriages. Without good feelings about ourselves, it is impossible to find consistent satisfaction in life.
I would add to this list some other factors I have found help people to deal with stress, especially childhood trauma. Again, research shows that social support helps us not only with emotional problems but with medical problems also. When we are under intense stress, it is critical we have supportive, caring people to whom we can talk about our troubles. This is why a good marriage is good for our mental health.
In asking someone about an abusive or neglectful childhood, I always ask if there was someone in the patient's childhood who was there for him or her in a loving, supportive way - a grandparent, uncle, aunt, teacher or clergyperson. Even though we may have been abused or neglected by our parents, it helps to realize there were some people back then who cared for us.
A strong religious faith can also buffer people against stress. Sometimes when everything else appears to be falling apart, faith can be the only reliable thing we can fall back upon. I remember one patient who was neglected as a child but who came to believe at age ten that God loved her unconditionally, a belief which has sustained her for thirty years.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D. is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and author of the book Loving Isn't Easy
Copyright 2002 J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article maybe reprinted but must include author's copyright and website hyperlinks to SelfHelpBooks.com. 
Lighten UpBy Allen Johnson, Ph.D. IT WAS SATURDAY MORNING. My wife and I were sitting in the living room, involved with our own projects. I was engrossed in a book that I had wanted to read for some time. It was absolutely quite.
Suddenly, my wife started humming softly.
“HummmMMmmmmmmm.”
“Shh,” I whispered, not looking up from my book. A pause, and then about three clicks louder, “HUMMMMMmmHUMMMM.”
I squelched my urge to smile. “Honey,” I said in a voice usually reserved for small children and people with left and right sock drawers, “this is our quiet time. It’s time to be quiet now. You know, quiet, as in no noise?”
Another pause. I returned to my book and started the same paragraph for the third time. I was halfway into the first sentence when my wife opened up with a UCLA Marching Band rendition of “Stars and Stripes Forever.”
“Ba-rum-bum-bum. Blah-dah-dah-dah-dah, blah-dah-dah-dah-dah-KABOOM!”
She had the bass drum, the trombones, the clarinets, and cymbals-152 pieces, all pumping out at triple forte.
After that it was impossible to keep a straight face. I had no choice but to laugh out loud. And that felt good. Laughter is, after all, a kind of natural tranquilizer without the side effects.
That incident was a reminder to me of the importance of playfulness in our lives. In one ten-second musical interlude, my wife put things into perfect perspective: “Hey, life does not have to be all that serious.”
I’ve noticed that including a little levity in the day’s activities diminishes the storehouse of stress felt at the end of the day. So, here are a few playful ideas for your consideration.
The next time you call someone and get a recording, wait for the beep and then pretend that their machine has broken down. Imitate a 78 rpm record played on 33. “Hello, this is Aaaallleeeen Urrrhgummmn. Congratulations! You’ve just won ten thousand dollars! But you must call me IMMEDIATELY at aargherschplout.”
Or how about this one? The next time you’re at a tollbooth, pay the fifty cents for the person directly behind you. It’s great. They race like crazy to catch up with you, absolutely certain that you are the dearest of friends. They pull up to the side of your car and wave wildly. Then at that instant, when they realize that you are a complete stranger, their expression transforms from frenzied jubilation to total bewilderment. That look alone is worth the 50 cents.
Or try this where you work. Ask the people in your group to bring a baby picture of themselves to the job. Mount the pictures on a bulletin board and enjoy the fun of guessing “who’s who.” Even the stuffiest is suddenly humanized when pictured in the buff on a bear rug.
All I’m saying is that life is worth living with a smile. Lighten up. Look for the humor in your day. After all, things could be worse.
You could be married to a brass band.
About the Author:
Allen Johnson, Ph.D. is the author of THIS SIDE OF CRAZY: 54 LESSONS ON LIVING FROM SOMEONE WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER BUT KEEPS MESSING UP ANYWAY
available through Selfhelpbooks.com.
© Copyright 2003 by Allen Johnson and Selfhelpbooks.com. All rights reserved. This article may be reprinted but must include the author’s copyright and website hyperlinks
Workplace StressBy Keith Levick, Ph. D. Adjusting to our changing world is difficult, at best. Increasing global economic competition, downsizing, mergers, acquisitions, and the everyday hassles of trying to run a business, often creates a great deal of workplace stress. Consider the following:- According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, 2/3 of all visits to the family physician are attributed to stress-related symptoms.
- 11% of all insurance claims result from "gradual mental stress."
- It is estimated working mothers, in attempting to balance their lives, juggle as many as seven things at once.
- According to the World Health Organization, about 1/2 of the working population are unhappy in their jobs.
If the workplace is a microcosm of society, it is fair to say there are many stressed-out people! Constant changes increase stress levels, and negatively affect our physical and emotional health. Simply put, stress is defined as the body's physical and psychological reaction to change. While the body is made to endure "acute" stress (e.g., major life events), it is not prepared well to deal with "chronic stress." The body, therefore, often breaks down from everyday stressors, leaving people with "stress related" disorders.
Lets look at a typical moment in time. On your way to work you travel through a construction zone. As you crawl along patiently, someone tries to cut in front of you by passing on the right. Immediately you become hot and decide not to let him in. The next move is to position your car bumper to bumper with the car in front of you. As your stress level rises, so does your middle finger. The outcomes of this situation are numerous, from the possibility of an accident to an incident of "road rage." By the time you arrive at work you're frazzled with your work day just beginning.
The ramifications of not properly managing stress can be far reaching. Productivity levels decrease with unhappy workers, family life is often affected, and health is at risk. Learning to deal with day-to-day stressors is no longer a luxury - it's a necessity. Several suggestions and techniques, however, can help reduce your stress.
One technique I find useful, particularly when confronted with situations like the above example, is to ask myself the "three minute rule." Returning to the "road game" is a good example. If I allow this person to cut in front of me, will this have a major affect upon my life three minutes from now? Of course not! In which case, I chose not to play a meaningless game, thereby enhancing my overall health.
Additional ways to reduce the stress are:- Allow yourself 15 minutes a day to relax -- progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, yoga, etc.
- Increase low stress foods into your diet - fruits, veggies, low-fat/sugar foods & snacks, etc.
- Increase your physical activities - aerobic classes, walk the stairs, park farther from the office door, etc.
- Maintain the "right attitude" - use "the three minute rule" - enhance your self esteem by building-up other people.
Stress and stress-related problems are a very real and growing part of work and personal life for millions of Americans. Trying to cope with life hassles - work, family, children, etc. - can be overwhelming. Learning to manage stress effectively is paramount to being a happy and healthy human being.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Keith Levick, Ph.D., is a health psychologist who has been in practice for 20 years and is an Adjunct Professor at Central Michigan University. He is the founder and director of the Center for Childhood Weight Management, a unique treatment program designed for overweight children, located in Farmington Hills, MI, and in YMCA'S throughout Michigan. Dr. Levick is also the President of Goren and Associates, a training and development company. Some of their clients include GM, DaimlerChrysler, Detroit Diesel, AT&T and other Fortune 500 companies. Dr. Levick serves on the Executive Board for the American Heart Association and is well published in the area of health and wellness.
Dr. Levick is author of a new book entitled, Why Is My Child So Overweight? A Parent's Guide to a Fit & Healthy Child, designed to help the entire family become more aware of eating behaviors and help create lifestyle changes. This book is available through SelfHelpBooks.com.
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